Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Hemorrhoid Chronicles Part 2

Since Hemmy's 28th birthday is a mere 4 days away, I thought I would continue on the get-to-know-Hemmy path.

Hemmy is a tall mother-flogger.  He is 6'8" on a bad day and is a solid as a brick-shit house (one of my dad's favorite terms).  So you can imagine that he can be a pretty intimidating person, especially when you meet him for the first time.

Starchy and I started dating our first week of college.  We were pretty much inseparable for our entire Freshman year.  Since his hometown was only a five hour drive (compared to 24 hours to get to mine) I went home with him for holidays and long-weekends.

At the end of Freshman year, Starchy and I decided it was high time for him to come home with me.  We recruited another college swimmer friend, Big Bear, to come with us so that Starchy had someone to ride back with him (Starchy and Big Bear were staying for a week and I was flying back at the end of the Summer).  The ride from Illinois to Saskatchewan was uneventful.  Starchy still gives me crap to this day that I was useless and spent more time sleeping than awake.  Whatever.

We finally made it home safe and sound.  My parents were there to greet us but Hemmy was no where to be found.  My mom informed us that he was out with friends, but would see us in the morning.  We visited for a while and then called it a night.

The next morning, Starchy, Big Bear and I were hanging out in my parents basement.  We were plotting how to take full advantage of the 19 year old Saskatchewan drinking age, when Hemmy walked in.  

Now, my brother has never been OVERLY protective.  But he didn't know Starchy from Adam, and was hell bent on trying to intimidate him.  He barreled down the stairs, taking two at a time, when he got to the bottom of the stairs, he bellowed "WHERE IS HE?" as loud and as menacing as he could.  

I'm pretty sure I saw Starchy's butt-pucker through his triple-starched jeans.

Although he put up a good front and went straight up to Hemmy and gave him a manly handshake, I could tell that Starchy wasn't at all prepared for meeting my beast of a brother.

Thankfully, Hemmy dropped the tough guy act, and Starchy, Big Bear and Hemmy, went on to enjoy the rest of the trip hanging out with one another (and pretty much casting me by the wayside).

I wouldn't say that Hemmy and Starchy are BFF's, but they are close.  When we get together, they swap stories and act like cornballs together(all while ignoring Chipmunk and I, but we prefer it that way).  It is a great feeling knowing that two of my favorite men (in addition to my dad, my father-in-law, and my Grandpa) get along so well.

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